Oprah and others, have defined Forgiveness as recognizing that you can't change the past. We hold onto a lot of resentment and in the end, who does it hurt? We hurt ourselves more than anyone else. Accepting what has happened and creating the space to move on can be a powerful step forward.
Sometimes, particularly if you have been a victim of crime or abuse, whatever happened may seem 'unforgiveable'. In these cases, remember that forgiveness does not mean you have to let that person back into your life but it can release you from the hold that this has on you.
In other cases, we may have imagined transgressions that were in reality, minor. Caroline Myss, medical intuitive and author of a number of bestselling books including "Sacred Contracts", outlines the common archetypes that drive our behaviours. She identifies the "Victim" as one of the four archetypes for survival which can lead you to believe that "you are always taken advantage of and it's never your fault." If this feels familiar, her work may be of interest.
Regardless of the situation (and many may lie in between these two extremes), if you have anger or bitterness in your heart, you must do the work needed (whatever that is for you) to let it go. It literally will suck the life out of you and can affect all your relationships. The serenity prayer from AA says it all: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."
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